lost count

im in the beginning of my life, the adventure, the start of something new.

ive started something a year ago and it all comes to this, im in the beginning of my peak of career, god knows how hard i've tried, the sweat, the tears, the laugh, the joy, the pain, the ego, and then something happened, something terribly shocking happened

i know i shouldntve write about this for public so they wont ever notice the imperfections of something that looks this beautiful

i'll share it anyway

weeks ago we were having this so called 'band meeting' to talk about stuff.. as some of you may know, my band with the initial PWG consist several people who's also involved in other bands.. on that very day we were having a discussion about the possibilities that one day we, PWG will make it, what will happen to the other bands that the others involves with.. they said "lets take this further" which means "ok, go!" so i took it further and further and further.. we just had a hell of a release party last weekend, it was one of the best time of my life, my parents were there, i showed them that this is what ive been doing, all the efforts. i showed them and all the other people who believed me that i can took it further, it was definetly a hell of an awesome night.

and then, good things started to come. one big ass cigarrette company offered sponsorship for us to do tour.. ok that was nice to hear

wait there's more

malaysia-singapore tour! wew that's something. that's SOMETHING with the capital everything.

and then i passed the news to all the other members.. i was expecting a hurray and thrilled but one of my friend who plays this instrument in my band replied with a short "when?" and i replied "juni atau juli" he replied "yaah.. itu pas **** rilis (the cencored initials of that dude's other band" oh you should know how shocked and heartbroken i was that very night.. i lost interest in anything.. really, everything.. i mentioned about the time that we all had that band meeting and he replied "gw juga ga pernah mimpi kita bisa sampe kaya sekarang" what was that suppose to mean? what about our efforts? what about my dreams? what about OUR dreams? he said he wanted to focus to his studies cus he'll be doing final task (skripsi) shortly.. i understand.. what can i do? im on your back, pal..

and then i just had a conversation with my other band member who's also with another band.. he said this specific words: "suatu saat emg gw hrs milih cod, dan gw blm bs milih untuk sekarang"

speechless

does this means we're breaking up?

like all my other relationships?

i guess this is the perfect time to say this

"it's all downhill from here"

i dont know what to do.

i need someone to lift me up. i lost her. i know i've lost her.


im gonna end this with a quote from a song, i forgot the title of it but this came from one of my favorite local band, fight for a day

"comeback when it's over, im gonna tell you a story about me without you"