you want your ex back? here's how

When you first get dumped and the shock wears off, you may do several common things in an effort to get your girl back. The first thing you'll do is try to change her mind. As you fight her on the decision to break up (and your now ex girlfriend gets more and more annoyed), you'll even start to beg and plead her to give things a second chance. A day or two later, you might be writing long love notes, seeking out the perfect Hallmark cards, sending flowers or even small gifts thinking these can buy your way back into your ex's heart. As things progress and you still haven't gotten back together, you might show up at your ex's job, school, or home in an effort to get her to talk to you.



All of these things are terrible ideas, but they're also the most common things men do after losing a girlfriend.



The one thing you might fail to realize is that all of the actions listed above are designed toward making yourself feel better. None of them are geared toward fulfilling your ex's needs or wishes. Men in such a position tend to act toward fulfilling their own needs, when they should be concerned with how their girlfriend feels at the time. Because of this, she's going to become frustrated with everything you do... all while you sit there wondering why nothing you've been doing has made your ex want you back.



When your girlfriend broke up with you, she pushed you away. This is because she's now trying to reconcile her own feelings, and she needs solitude in order to do that. She doesn't want to be influenced by you, at least right now, which is why she doesn't want to hear from you immediately. And even if she offered to "still be friends", this is definitely not the time to be contacting your ex. The more you try to communicate directly after the break up, the worse you're making your chances of ever getting back together with your girlfriend.



Let's take the following two scenarios as a good example of how things should go (and not go):



Scenario #1 - Your girl dumps you, and in trying to get her back you believe the best thing to do is keep in contact with her. After all, you've talked to and seen her every single day all these last weeks and months, so what should be different? You call your ex a few times, send her a couple of emails, and even drop her a text-message or two just to say hello to her.



Since you're not actually asking to get back together with her, you think that all this contact is innocent and okay. In reality though, you're making your ex feel very strange about you. Before long, all your little messages get very annoying to her. She can't possibly miss you, because you're always blowing up her phone. She feels trapped in another smothering type of relationship with you, which is ironic because you're not even dating.



Eventually she stops answering you calls, and this is where you feel her slipping away from you quickly. Maybe your ex girlfriend found someone else? Maybe she's moving on? You fear the worst, so you start showing up where she lives and works to spy on her. When you get caught, you try to justify it by telling her you're only doing it because you love her. You quickly get labeled a stalker ex-boyfriend, which pretty much spells doom for any possible reconciliation you could've had with your ex.



Scenario #2 - Again you get dumped by your girlfriend, but this time you don't resist. Instead of fighting for her to change her mind, you agree with the break up. Wishing her the best, you give your ex one last hug and walk quietly away without a fight. She goes home totally confused, wondering why you didn't at least try to keep your relationship with her.



All the next day, your ex is pretty baffled by what happened... but she shrugs and accepts it. Another day goes by, and then another... without any signs of contact from your end. She checks her messages and there's nothing from you. No missed calls. Not a single email from you either. After a few days of thinking about things, your ex begins to wonder where you are. Did you already move on? Did you find a new girlfriend? Did you even love her in the first place, because with the ease at which you let her go it doesn't seem like you could've cared all that much.



This is when your ex actually begins to miss you, because you haven't been around at all. She's also curious as hell as to what you've been doing. Truth be told, she's also a little fearful that maybe you've already moved way past the relationship... here she is still thinking about things, and you don't appear to be. Your ex will start to believe she needed you a lot more than you needed her, and this is something that's strangely attractive to her. This is when you'll get that not-so-innocent ex girlfriend phone call. How you handle it can be critical to setting up a short meeting or reunion date with your ex.



As you can see, there are very right and very wrong ways to deal with things when a girlfriend ends your relationship. In trying to get back with your ex, you need to know precisely how to handle things. It almost feels like manipulation, but it's not - your ex creates these feelings and longings in her own mind all because of your lack of reaction to her. Understanding how to work these principals are key to making your ex miss and want you again.