But I don't feel like home
The blanket is tidy, the mattress is big enough for two..
But i'm cold and left alone
The car keys are at the top of the drawer of your make up and fake eye lashes shelf, they just lay there still silently judging me as i come undone.. Getting ready for my late night bath.. I'm sitting here like a sponge letting everything soaks.. Listening to the water flows through the shower..
I wish it was the smell of petrichor instead.. I'm sure it wasn't.. It was more like a dried tears hidden somewhere beneath some ingrown hairs....
As i said to myself.. Marriage is hard, marriage is hard.. It was still my choice to make.. And submitting myself with idea of not feeling lonely anymore.. On tv nights and whatnots.. It was still the best decision i've made.. Even if it kills me
But afterall, my journey was never easy and i made it through so far.. Though bones break, and sweat sweats, and laughter slowly fades..
And then i saw him.. And he was me, only older and wise.. He was me, only thinner and less bitter..
The ghost in front of me smirks..
The ghost of me.. The future me..
He said, "this too shall pass, i won't tell you how the story goes, but worry not, things are always hard and this time is not easy, but the lesson you'll take in the end pays all the debt of your recent sorrow and you'll step forth.."
It gets bitter and cold..
But if growing up is getting old, and being older is better, then i'll get better after..
Nothing changes except everything
And i will always love you, just the same.